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Posts from the ‘Awe’ Category

Precious Gift

I’ve spent the last few days at a retreat centre in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains with a small group of fellow pastors. The setting is magnificent and the weather has been surprisingly cooperative for springtime in Alberta. There’s been plenty of unstructured time for walking in the forests and reading by the river or just sitting and contemplating the vast beauty of all that God has made. It’s been good for the soul.

There are, of course, sessions to attend, “content” to absorb, worship and prayer to attend to. This, too, has been good. But for me at least, God often speaks most clearly on the edges or outside of officially sanctioned content. Yesterday, we were sitting outside for a session, and it came time for the Scripture reading. A South Sudanese brother had been asked to read parts of John 14 in his native Nuer tongue. I’ll call him Peter. We sat. we listened. Appreciatively, respectfully, perhaps even reverently. Uncomprehendingly. Obviously.

As I watched Peter pore over his well-worn black leather bible, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose, I thought about the stories he has shared with me over the last decade or so. Stories about growing up in the wilds of Africa, of village life, of hunting and swimming and growing and harvesting and encountering dangers that seemed (and seem) exotic and alien to my Canadian ears. Also, stories about war and unspeakable violence. Of the grinding boredom and dull dread of nearly a decade spent in the hellish limbo of a refugee camp. About being spat and sworn at by the locals outside the camp. About being caught in the crossfire of gun fights. About being locked in a pen and treated like an animal. About the miraculous deliverance of God.

I thought of what I knew of Peter’s life in Canada since he has been here. Of long hours spent doing manual labour in work many Canadians would feel to be “beneath” them. Of night shifts and tight finances. Of never enough sleep. Of the agony of watching a few of his many kids get into trouble. Of trying to shepherd a small community of his people in a strange new land. Of looking for a vehicle large enough to get as many of them as possible to church on a Sunday morning. Of a life that seems hard in so very many ways that I can barely comprehend. Of a heart that is divided between his new home in Canada and the land he loves and misses terribly. Barely a prayer time passes at any gathering where Peter is present where he doesn’t plead for us to pray for the people of South Sudan.

Yesterday afternoon, I was reading in the afternoon sun on a hill when I looked down to the river far below. I saw Peter wandering around down by the river. He was taking pictures of the river, the mountains, the trees. I could almost feel his smile from across the distance (he is rarely not smiling). He cut such a strange figure, his jet-black skin, his rake thin body, his dress shoes and colourful slacks. Strange and beautiful. I can never look at him and not think about all he has endured, about what a miracle it is that he is even alive, much less here, on a retreat with a bunch of other pastors in the shadow of the Canadian Rockies.

After Peter had read John 14 in Nuer, I think the plan was to have someone else read it in English. But a colleague and friend (wisely) asked Peter if he would be willing to translate it himself from his Nuer bible. Peter smiled. Of course. And so, slowly, reading half a sentence in Nuer and then half in English, we heard the words.

And I will ask the Father…and he will give you… another… helper?… to help you and be with you forever…

I will not leave you as…

orphans.

I will come to you.

I may never hear those words the same again.

Later that day, our facilitator asked us to reflect on the question, “If your life were a book, what would its title be?” Predictably, many of our titles had ourselves at the centre in some form or another (including mine). Our journeys, our quests, our stories, our whatever. Unsurprising, perhaps, given that our assignment was to think about, well, our story.

When Peter was asked what he would call the story of his life, he smiled, looked around the room and said, “Precious gift.”

Mud People

In his new book Liturgies of the Wild, Martin Shaw writes of growing up with a preacher for a father and of a house that “reverberated with whatever sermon he was currently coaxing into life.” I liked that phrase, “coaxing into life.” Boy, does it resonate most weeks for me. Shaw also talks about being fascinated by the opening pages of the big book his dad was always preaching about, in particular this sentence: “The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” “I liked it,” Shaw says. “It was weird.” Read more

Sectored to Grace

On Saturday night, I attended The Great Vigil of Easter at an Anglican church in our city. It was a beautiful liturgy, leading worshipers through the broad sweep of Scripture, from creation to new creation. There were candles and holy water, Dante and Herbert, a baptism and the renewal of baptismal vows, the gradual physical transformation of the sanctuary from the bleak deathly tones of Good Friday to the light and the life of resurrection. And there was the celebration of the Eucharist, of course. We remembered Christ’s death, proclaimed his resurrection, and strengthened our resolve to await his coming in glory. Read more

“We Cannot Wait Till the World is Sane”

We read the Christmas story out at the jail yesterday. Matthew’s version, all the way through. We read about Mary and Joseph angelic visitations and prophecies fulfilled and Magi from the east bearing strange gifts. We read about a mad king’s maniacal decree, about the slaughter of innocent baby boys, about the Holy Child of Bethlehem being hunted from the day he was born. I had taped images from William Kurelek’s A Northern Nativity on the wall throughout the chapel and invited the guys wander around looking at them while I read. I wanted the Nativity to somehow migrate from words on a page or sanitized religious images to their world, to them, to us. Read more

The Lord is Near

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. As you may know, I’m on a three-month sabbatical and I’ve spent roughly the last two weeks walking the Camino de Santiago (Portuguese Way). On May 27, we reached the Cathedral in Santiago! I even received the Latin documents to prove it. I may have a few more reflections on this experience at a later date. It was a rich and rewarding one in many ways and I’m still sifting through a few stories along the way. What follows is a bit unpolished as it is gleaned from some handwritten journal reflections over the last few days.

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Joy Finds Us

I’ve referred to Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files often over the last few years. This is the forum where Cave responds, often quite movingly and insightfully, to the questions of his fans. He’s been doing it for six years and three hundred posts. I look forward to these arriving in my inbox every time. To mark his three hundredth post, Cave decided to flip the script. Instead of responding to the questions of his fans and readers, he decided to ask a question of his own. It was a very simple one: “Where or how do you find your joy?” Read more

“There is Nothing Lowly in the Universe”

Throughout the season of Lent, I’ve been beginning my days with a devotional series called “The Lent Project” produced by Biola University’s Center for Christianity, Culture, and the Arts. Each devotional contains scripture, poetry, a reflection, artwork, and music. I’ve remarked on several occasions that poetry is not my native tongue and that I often struggle to connect with it. But I was moved by this morning’s selection. Read more

“Heartbreak Can Be the Engine of Obliteration or Growth”

I read Nick Cave’s latest edition of the Red Hand Files before heading off to the jail yesterday. Zack, from Leeds, UK was wondering if Cave had any advice about how to deal with his father’s stroke and the sudden responsibility this had thrust upon him. Zack was used to living what was, by his own description, a fairly self-absorbed life. Now his family was looking to him for strength and guidance. He was struggling to cope, feeling emotionally drained and on the point of implosion. Did Cave have any advice? Read more

Through the Fire

My wife and I have different interests and philosophies when it comes to things like fitness and staying active. She likes hiking and running for excruciatingly long distances over hills and mountains. I like chasing balls and pucks with racquets and sticks. Thus it has been forever and ever. Every once in a while, one of us will venture over into the other’s world—I’ll go on a hike (and hardly complain); she’ll swing a tennis racquet for an afternoon—but for the most part we stay in our lanes. You need your own thing in a marriage, right? Read more

Absolute Soul

“I’ve had a bunch of revelations in my life.” The words came from an inmate sitting across the table at the jail recently. He looked impossibly young, was skeletally skinny, indigenous. His face somehow managed to look deadly serious and impishly goofy at the same time, a hint of a smile always threatening to break out into the real thing. He was a big fan of rap music, poetry, anime. He knew his bible well, rattling off passages and references by memory. Read more

Some Force of Love and Logic

As Christmas draws near, I am thinking, appropriately, no doubt, about awe. I happen to rather like awe and experience it regularly. I experience it in all the usual places—mountaintops, oceans, majestic cathedrals, spine-tingling music. On a perhaps less obviously inspiring note, after a third consecutive morning dragging myself out of the house in sub -30-degree temperatures I am currently experiencing awe at just how bone-crushingly cold this planet is capable of getting. But yeah, I am generally a big fan of awe. Read more

Thick Like Honey, Sweet Like Grace

One of my abiding critiques of the more progressive church circles that I inhabit is that there often seems to be little, for lack of a better term, “existential urgency.” God is, we think, very interested in our positions on social issues and is very eager to affirm our journey through various constellations of identities. But not so much in sin or salvation or judgment or deliverance or a love that breaks in order to mend or anything that could conceivably set a soul aflame. In many progressive churches, God cares a great deal about our politics and our self-esteem, not so much about our souls. Read more

When the Queen Dies

It’s been a quiet few weeks here on the blog, I know. There are a number of reasons for this, but chief among them is that it has been a season of dying in our church. Since I’ve returned from holidays in late August, there have been three deaths to mourn, three lives to honour and celebrate, three occasions to proclaim with joy the great Christian hope of a life that swallows up death. I’ve been writing a lot of sermons and planning a lot of services, which doesn’t leave much time for writing here. Read more

The Monstrosity of Easter

 

I remember a few years ago I was hunting around for some music to listen to while preparing my Easter sermon. It was Holy week, so I thought I should try to find something a bit more inspirational than my usual fare. Perhaps some classical music. I surveyed the options on my streaming service. I was presented with two choices for Holy Week. How delightful! I read the description of each.

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Wonder Shining in My Eyes

I wonder if one of the central tasks of faith at this middle stage of life is that of reimagination. To unlearn the notion that faith is a “whoever dies with the most correct ideas about God in their head wins” kind of game. To open oneself to the possibility that when it comes to the things of God, it’s less about arguing than evoking, less about proving than reminding and revealing, less about heroically thinking enough right God-things or doing enough good God-things than loving mercy. Sigh. Even as I look at the preceding three sentences, I hate the soppy mid-life cliché that they sound like. Perhaps one of the other tasks of the middle-stage of life is to somehow come to peace with the cliches that we inevitably become. Read more

What’s the Sky For?

A few nights ago, my wife and I watched a quirky Irish romantic comedy called Wild Mountain Thyme. The film itself was fine, nothing spectacular, but an interesting story if only because it strayed a bit off the beaten path as far as rom coms go. Two eccentric single farmers struggling to find each other in the midst of navigating a land dispute in the middle of Ireland doesn’t exactly scream “blockbuster” or “financial windfall.” Not caring much about these things is a feather in any film’s cap, in my books. Read more

Beauty Calls

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about beauty. This is perhaps a strange thing to be thinking about in a year as ugly as 2020 has been and may yet be. I could catalogue all the ways that 2020 has under-performed but this is hardly necessary, right? You’re all sentient beings and have likely been tethered to your screens just like everyone else during this pandemic. And at any rate, one gets tired of obsessing and complaining about ugliness after a while. There is a seemingly limitless supply of it and the outrage/fear/anxiety machine of the internet keeps it ever before us. Perhaps some more pleasant fare will be welcome.

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The Deepest Refrain

Lord God, you love us, source of compassion

These words provided the restorative refrain near the end of a Taizé service I attended with our local L’Arche community on Tuesday evening. Over and over again, we sang. Lord God, you love us, source of compassion. Until it was drilled down into our bones. Until the words wore down our defenses and settled into our souls. Until we could just about believe this most incredible of things.

We are loved. I am loved. By God. Read more