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The World According to lululemon

Like the dutiful Vancouver husband/father that I am, I marched off to lululemon on Saturday to see if I could find my wife a gift worthy of both her maternal skills and her status as an emerging distance runner. lululemon is a Vancouver company famous mainly (I think) for its yoga-wear (although I couldn’t help but notice that their tags say “designed in Vancouver, made in Cambodia”). At any rate, it is, apparently, where all the cool moms get their workout gear so off I went to see what I could find.

After an interesting experience that involved, among other things, being asked if various store employees “measurements” were similar to my wife’s, I found myself trudging back to my car, the proud owner of a shiny red environmentally responsible plastic bag with the “lululemon manifesto” emblazoned across it (I didn’t realize that fitness outfitters were allowed to have “manifestos”—who knew?). Not surprisingly, I found the wisdom on offer rather intriguing.

It ranged from the prudent…

Drink FRESH water and as much water as you can. Water flushes unwanted toxins from your body and keeps your brain sharp.

to the vacuous…

Breathe deeply and appreciate the moment. Living in the moment could be the meaning of life.

to the strangely morbid…

Visualize your eventual demise. It can have an amazing effect on how you live for the moment.

To the comical…

Children are the orgasm of life. Just like you did not know what an orgasm was before you had one, nature does not let you know how great children are until you have them.

To the unexpectedly insightful…

Listen, listen, listen, and then ask strategic questions.

To the axiomatic…

What we do to the earth we do to ourselves.

To the quasi-Buddhist…

The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness.

To the narcissistic…

Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.

To my personal favourite, the “protest against nature”:

Nature wants us to be mediocre because we have a greater chance to survive and reproduce. Mediocre is as close to the bottom as it is to the top, and will give you a lousy life.

You can imagine my relief at having nature’s nasty plot brought to my attention.

All in all, though, an interesting medley of pop-psychology, philosophy, and ethics for the side of a shopping bag (certainly more than I’ve come to expect from, say, Shoppers Drug Mart). If nothing else, it made for a nice distraction as I was painfully inching my way out of an overcrowded parking lot on a Saturday afternoon.

SURPRISE ENDING: Well, it seems that while my Mother’s Day selections were good as far as style goes, the sizes were slightly off so they had to be returned for exchange. Two hours later, my wife returned home with a couple of books for the kids, but no lululemon bag. It seems that she just couldn’t stomach the prices, and decided that a couple of home-made cards from the kids were present enough.

Sniff… I love that woman. So principled, so strong-willed, so well-grounded, so fearless and bold, refusing to be manipulated by the marketing machine…

Maybe another line should be added to the “manifesto”:

Breathe deeply, and choose not to spend exorbitant sums of money on ridiculously overpriced consumer goods.

I’m not holding my breath.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Great post!

    May 12, 2008
  2. Dave Chow #

    Hilarious! Great story telling, Ryan!

    May 12, 2008
  3. delicious

    May 18, 2008

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