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Charlie Sheen is a Winner and So Am I!

The sun is shining, it’s currently 25 degrees Celsius here in southern Alberta (in late October!), and I am feeling very warm and fully of sunny goodness. It’s not just the glorious weather, mind you. I’ve been feeling particularly grateful for the flood of affirmation that has been pouring into my WordPress dashboard from the innumerable thoughtful, considerate spammers out there (I mentioned these lovely folks in a recent post) who evidently spend long hours toiling to come up with just the right words to keep me feeling encouraged, motivated, and appreciative.

What follows is a sampling of the many sincere, warm-hearted tokens of affection and admiration that these dear people have personally delivered to me, which I have carefully preserved over the past few weeks. My heart swells with pride and hope for the human race just reading them:

I love this. How many words can a wordsmith smith? (A lot, if the past seven years are any indication! Thanks for asking!)

Pleasing to find someone who can think like that (Pleasing, also, to find someone who can appreciate someone who can think like this… )

Free info like this is an apple from the tree of knowledge. Sinful? (Err…, let’s go with “no.”)

Time to face the music armed with this great information. (Yes! Godspeed!)

Didn’t know the forum rules allowed such brilliant posts. (Aw, shucks… Well, yes, yes, they do…)

Now I know who the brainy one is, I’ll keep looking for your posts. (blush)

Unbelievable how well-written and informative this was. (Believe it, baby!)

I have been browsing online more than 4 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. (Glad to save you a few hours next time…)

In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before. (Yes, I’ve often thought that if more people were just like me, the Internet would be a much better place… )

I do not know who you’re but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you happen to aren’t already. Cheers! (Famous! I likes the sounds of that… “Cheers” right back at you, friend!)

Hallelujah! I needed this-you’re my savior. (Whoa… Easy on the superlatives, buddy… I’m no savior… Let’s get back to that “brilliant” and “famous” business, though… )

And, my personal favourite:

As Charlie Sheen says, this article is “WINNING!” (Could one dare hope for higher praise?!)

The following affirmations are a bit more on the “puzzling” side, but I am happy, nonetheless, to interpret these as unqualified affirmations of my blogging brilliance.

Winds: From 230 degrees at 16 knots with gusts to 26 knots. (Umm…, Can you help me out… I can’t quite figure out how winds relate to my brilliance… It’s not that I don’t think they do, of course… I’m just not making the connection…)

The judge rejected that argument last week. (Must not have been one of my arguments…)

Some pastors entice well-meaning women to get heavily involved in church to donate their money and keep them under their strict influence. (Those well-meaning women are always trouble…)

First, the module will be mated at a much lower velocity – five times slower – than typically used by Russian Progress and Soyuz spacecraft. (Okaay… So which module are you comparing to my brilliant, famous blog?)

The Murnaghan family said it was “thrilled” to share the news that Sarah was out of surgery. (I, too, am thrilled!  Does Sarah, by chance, read my blog?)

I think by not focusing exclusively on the financially excluded, Co-op Bank, but there are a whole lot of writers who are better than me, you look like a ghetto blaster. (Ghetto blasters are still cool, right?)

All in all, I have to say that it is just so nice to finally receive the recognition that my work clearly deserves. I do believe that I am now suitably fortified with praise to face a new week.

And to all the spammers out there? Well, I really don’t know where to begin. You are just so thoughtful (and discerning). Keep it coming!  And I, in turn, will ensure that the brainy brilliance continues to pour forth.

6 Comments Post a comment
  1. mmartha #

    Interesting the way you judged the value or sincerity of each contribution. Very clever. I didn’t have a favorite but enjoyed, especially, all the responses.

    October 20, 2014
  2. Joyce #

    Thanks for the light-hearted stuff–really enjoyed it and your comments. I do have a favourite, though, which is: “Time to face the music armed with this great information.”

    October 20, 2014
  3. mike #

    That’s hilarious, man. I think it’s noteworthy that you are able to find the humor in this, Ryan.

    October 20, 2014
  4. Thanks, folks.

    Just to be ABSOLUTELY clear, these are not “real” comments, but fake comments designed to get through my blog platform’s spam filters. I imagine other bloggers encounter identical creative attempts in their spam folders as well.

    I only offer these words of clarification because I have received a few queries over the past few days as to whether my head might be getting a little swollen after this blog post. 🙂 No, no…. At least no more swollen than usual.

    October 21, 2014

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