God Loves Human Beings—Start with That
Just over three years ago, I threw up a post about a conversation with my son about the word “amen” and whether the “men” part of the word meant that God was only interested in men and not women. It was a rather quick post about the nature of the words we use, how our relationship to them changes over time, and what these words communicate about our views on gender. I didn’t think much of the post at the time. There are some posts on this blog that I spend a fair amount of time writing, but this was not one of them. It was an interesting conversation with my son, a few reflections of my own, and not much more.
This has made it all the more surprising to observe the traffic/comments on “God Loves Women Too, Right?” over the last 3+ years. In the blogosphere, where the new is always unceremoniously displacing the old from our ever-shrinking attention spans, posts tend to have a fairly short shelf-life. Once a post is a few days old, the traffic slows down and the comments tend to dry up, but on this post the comments have just kept trickling in over a three-year period (there were two more last week, and one this morning). This post has generated the fourth-most traffic and the second highest number of comments of any post I have written in over five years of blogging .
It has been fascinating (and incredibly sad!) to observe the amount and variety of pain, anger, confusion, misunderstanding, and longing that has emerged from the voices of women in response to this post. There have been stories of sexual abuse, intimidation, gross misapplication of Scripture, manipulation, neglect, and the exploitation of power and influence by men. At times, it has been horrifying to see that such views about gender roles still persist. It has been heartbreaking to hear of how these views affect real women—women who, through a combination of church teaching and life experience, think incredibly little of themselves and assume that God must think the same. It has made me angry to read comment after comment about how some guy had used the Bible to justify his own ignorant, misogynistic, insecure views. It still makes me angry.
But the more I have thought about this post and the issues raised in the comment thread, the more it has seemed to me that these are not primarily gender issues. If a woman feels worthless and rejected and wonders if God could possibly love her, if a woman’s experience has led her to wonder if she will ever be able to have a healthy relationship with a man, if a woman feels like she has to stay silent in order to please God (or men), if a woman feels like a second-class human being because of her interactions with men, this is far, far more than a failure to properly understand gender roles.
It is an utter and complete failure to understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus and a human being made in God’s image.
I have spent a lot of time on the comment thread in this post responding to women—trying to provide alternatives to the views about God and men that they have internalized, expressing sorrow for what they have experienced, etc. But I often found myself wishing that the men involved could see and read about the effects their beliefs and behaviours have. I have wondered what I would say to them, if given the chance. So, if I could speak directly to the men who have caused such damage in the lives of the women who commented on this post, I would say something like this:
I don’t care how archaic your views about gender are or how convinced you are that fidelity to God and the Bible requires that you maintain them, you cannot read passages like Matthew 5:3-10 or 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 or James 3:17 (among countless others) and come to any other conclusion than that to be a follower of Jesus is to treat other people with kindness, care, and respect. You cannot look at the life of Jesus of Nazareth and justify treating another human being—male or female!—in any other way than with dignity and with self-giving love.
I don’t care how badly you misunderstand this or that section of the Bible that talks about women or how determined you are to embrace “correct biblical teaching on gender.” Forget your “position” on gender roles for a minute. If a woman feels unimportant, unloved, frightened, or confused about men and about God as a result of your interactions with them, then something has gone seriously wrong. What we have then is a pretty major bible-reading fail. Go and read Jesus’ words in Matthew 22:34-40, and see if you can come to any other conclusion than that the most important thing you have to do as someone who claims to belong to Jesus is to treat every human being you come across as you would like to be treated. Male or female. End of story.
Start with that. Go figure out your “correct biblical teaching on gender” once you have asked for forgiveness, and once you have ensured that every woman in your life is unambiguously convinced that God loves them, that you love them, and that you are committed to a life of learning to love them like God does.
Great post. This junk has to stop.
Preach it, brother!! Well said (as usual)!
I agree with the sentiment of your post. However, based on my internet blog readings/interactions with hierarchally inclined Christian males and life experience, I believe that the males you intend to reach will, for the most part, be immune to your post.
For example, I believe the thinking will go something like this: As a fallen person, I desperately desire to be a loving servant leader and follow the loving example of Jesus. Where I have erred in my dealings with my wife and have ever treated her in a less-then loving manner, I humbly ask her forgiveness and will try to change. However, I cannot be held responsible should a woman resist her God given role. And at the end of the day, in her response to her role, I am not responsible for her feelings.
Yup, I could very easily imagine a response/explanation along those lines. I have heard a few like this myself.
I have no illusions that any of the men doing the damage will read (or would read) this. The post probably had more to do with a weird kind of personal catharsis than any attempt to “reach” anyone.
i love the message. it is clear; God loves us. Three words to explore and pray about. I will put them in my mouth and chew on them at least 20 times before swallowing like my mother taught me (I love you mom), write them on my door frame, scribe them in my heart, and live them in my relationships. The more I accept this divine perfection from God the more I will understand His love and my worth as a follower of God. Thank-you Jesus for open eyes as I lay in Your arms. When I live these three words, God’s gift to us, I don’t have any other agendas to consider; there is no hate – it doesn’t factor -that would be my agenda, not God’s. God loves you – start with that. Say it often. It always feels good to hear it; ALWAYS.
a connection from my life… when it is someone’s birthday I make a point of saying happy birthday to them over and over that day – sincerely – not joking around -with a smile on my face and love in my voice i say happy birthday at any opportunity. I really mean it each time. it seems like a weird thing to do but I have found that it always feels to good to the person receiving the salutation. i ask them, “doesn’t it feel good each time, even though I have already said it?” “the answer is always yes.” It is amazing to find that people just can’t get enough love, or, are not accustomed to being given an abundance of love. People crave to be truly loved. I know I want to be loved – and I am – in the greatest way possible – by God. It just doesn’t get any more complete than that.
So, (long story still long) lol, the message is the answer to every question, injustice and worry – God loves you! God loves you 🙂 God loves you ❤ GOD LOVES YOU 🙂 God loves you. God loves you!
Great story, Sandy—thanks for sharing this!
Thanks Ryan. I love it when you get what some have termed a sort of “holy disconent” particularly in relationship to areas of injustice you see around you. We are inspired and encouraged when you share those thoughts in this forum. (I unfortunately don’t get to hear you preach often enough, but I imagine the same principal applies when you speak publically as well). Thanks for you wise words!
Thanks, Kevin, for this kind affirmation. Much appreciated.
Thanks for the post. I similarly stirred up some controversy when going to a rather conservative Brethren church once and suggesting women should play a larger role.
Something in your post seems to suggest that a man could love his wife and stil have an archaic view of gender roles despite the wife not feeling loved and not feeling fulfilled in that role. I would disagree with this assumption – to love means to want to see that person use their gifts to the best of their abilities and to see them live out their true calling and purpose. It’s not loving to keep someone silent when they were meant to speak or preach or whaever. Anyway, I know you likely agree, but were just conceeding a little.
On the other hand, both my grandmothers willingly served into their traditional female roles as my grandfathers preached and were leaders in their churches. They felt loved I’m sure of it. On the other hand I know a lot women (younger) who would not feel loved in that role regardless of how ‘loving’ their husband’s actions were towards them.
Yeah, I see what you mean, Jon. Of course, you’re right—communicating and demonstrating love cannot be nicely separated from one’s views about gender and one’s willingness (or not) to encourage exploration of gifts, desires, abilities, etc. They are inextricably linked.
I guess I was just gesturing toward a temporary bracketing of this or that official “position” on gender roles in favour of actually examining the effects these views were having. In other words, returning to the guys in question, forget for a minute the question of whether you’re right or not… Heck, let’s even assume that you are right—what effect is your “rightness” having on actual women? And does this effect line up with what Jesus taught and demonstrated in and among people?
(Of course, that would lead to bigger questions about the relationship between truth and goodness—i.e., how can something be “right” if it has such awful consequences—but that’s another post :).)